 English
Under the reign of Elizabeth I, any person found guilty of "harboring a Catholic priest" would be tortured or even hanged. Any priest of the Catholic faith that was caught would be hanged, drawn, and quartered.
With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.
All English males over the age 14 are to carry out 2 or so hours of longbow practice a week supervised by the local clergy.
London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats. (Repealed 1976)
The severest Penaltys will be suffered by any commoner who doth permit his animal to have carnal knowledge of a pet of the Royal House (enacted by George I)
It is illegal to be drunk on Licensed Premises (in a pub or bar).
It is illegal for two adult men to have sex in the same house as a third person.
Any person found breaking a boiled egg at the sharp end will be sentenced to 24 hours in the village stocks (enacted by Edward VI).
It is illegal to stand within one hundred yards of the reigning monarch when not wearing socks (enacted by Edward VI)
Chelsea Pensioners may not be impersonated.
A bed may not be hung out of a window.
It is illegal for a lady to eat chocolates on a public conveyance.
During his reign, Oliver Cromwell banned the eating of mince pies on Christmas day, as they were insufficiently Puritan.
Any boy under the age of 10 may not see a naked manequin.
It is illegal to leave baggage unattended.
Picking up abandoned baggage is an act of terrorism.
Those wishing to purchase a television must also buy a license.
It is illegal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour.
Destroying or defacing money is illegal.
If a steam locomotive is driven on roads, a man must walk in front of the vehicle with a red flag during the day and a red lantern at night to warn passersby.
All steam locomotives are limited to 4mph on roads.
Anal sex is prohibited.
You may not make out in public.
It is legal for a male to urinate in public, as long it is on the rear wheel of his motor vehicle and his right hand is on the vehicle
Committing suicide is classified as a capital crime.
Interfering with the mail or sleeping with the consort of the Queen is classed as treason, and as such, carries a maximum penalty of death.
Placing a postage stamp that bears the Queen (or King) upside down is considered treason.
One may not "blemish the peace".
A license is required to keep a lunatic.
Damaging the grass is illegal.
Jesuits, Seminary Priests and other suchlike disobedient Persons must be banished.
Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armor in Parliament.
Scottish
You may not fish on Sundays for salmon.
It is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow.
Trespassing on someone else's land is legal.
If someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your commode, you must let them enter.
Irish
Any person who shall pretend or exercise to use any type of witchcraft, sorcery, enchantment, or pretend knowledge in any occult or or craft or science shall for any such offense suffer imprisonment at the time of one whole year and also shall be obliged to obscursion for his/her good behavior. (1736)
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